Men in their thirties and forties today (this writer among them) have arrived at an unprecedented point in the history of men's health. We're benefiting from medical research that can help us live vibrant lives well into our eighties or even our nineties. Because of this, more of us than ever will have the opportunity to experience what Gail Sheehy, author of Men's Passages, calls a "second adulthood."

But as Sheehy points out, a second adulthood stands for more than longevity. Her book is essentially built on two questions: Do men suffer from menopause? Do men have changes in their bodies as they get older? The answer to both of these questions is an unequivocal yes.

The male mid-life crisis is very real and every man experiences it. Sheehy says male menopause is a time when hormones decrease (e.g. testosterone) and your sex drive and potency diminish. Many men also suffer from irritability and mood swings. This "sexual freeze" can affect all areas of a man's life and can lead to depression, divorce and even suicide.

As we get older, competing and being "king of the hill" are no longer dominant in most men's lives. With aging, money and cars are no longer the ultimate prizes. Instead, many experience a growing interest in connecting with issues and with people who matter in their lives. We're no longer defined by the jobs that we do or the sports that we love. We become "Jim, who works at MSN," not "Jim, the MSNer." As we get older, we realize that there is more to life than just making money. We become more concerned with how to express our ideals and ourselves.

So why do men have mid-life crises? Think about it for a moment. We were the warriors and the hunters for thousands of years. Now we hunt at the grocery store and fight on a playing field (or, often, from our couch). We realize that there is more to complete ourselves and we no longer need the instincts we cultivated to just survive yet they live on deep within our being.

But the truth of the matter is that men don't just go through one inevitable mid-life crisis. We go through changes throughout our whole lives. What follows are some steps that you can take anywhere along your life journey to help you out:

• Mellow out your hectic pace. Slow down, look around and evaluate where you are. Look at yourself, your values and your family. In the end you have to listen to your heart.

• Find support. Men usually don't make close friends once past the age of 45. Try to find someone who has gone through what you're experiencing now and ask them how they dealt with it.

• Write in a journal. If you don't already have a journal, start one. Write a dialogue between the person you are now and the person you're becoming. Let each one speak: Ask each what their fears are and wait for an answer.

• Keep track of the good in your life. This can be done with a gratitude journal. Write five things everyday that you are thankful for. (NOTE: They can even be the same things from one day to the next -- family, talent, a loving home, friends. The idea is to remind yourself of the good things that fill your life.)

• Trust. For many, this is a hard one. You have to learn how to trust yourself and your significant other and know that you can work through any problem you may have.

• Prioritize. Focus on things that really matter, things that you can impact -- and let go of the insignificant and trivial ones.

These are a few simple rules that will help you at difficult periods in your life. And always remember that life is a game. Those who play it well win, while those who don't beat only themselves.

If you would like to learn more about the passages in men's lives check out Gail Sheehy's book Understanding Men's Passages.

-- Jason Royce Williams