"How is everything?"

"Would you care for some coffee or dessert this evening?"

For six years I uttered these and other typical restaurant phrases dozens of times a night, five nights a week. I was a waiter, or food server if you want to be more politically correct. I started in coffee shops and ended my waiting career in an upscale Beverly Hills eatery. I waited on people who lived in cardboard boxes as well as people who went home to fifteen bedrooms and live-in maids. As different as my customers were, they all had one thing in common...they were all looking for something to eat, and I was the one who was going to bring it to them.

Today more people are eating out than ever before. A booming economy has made dining out less of a special occasion and more the norm. Unfortunately this means that more and more inexperienced diners are dining at restaurants and this can be hell on a food server. On a busy Saturday night a food server can be faced with eight to ten tables of customers all needing their individual needs met by that one restaurant employee in an apron. Is it any wonder that waiting tables is consistently rated as one of the top ten most stressful jobs in America? The stress level for a food server falls right between air traffic controllers and those two guys who sit in the missile silos holding the keys to nuclear annihilation.

So what can, and should, a customer truly expect from their food server? Listed below are ten basic points every food server should cover in order to provide their guests with the proper dining experience.

1. A food server should always greet the customer in a friendly and courteous manner.
2. The food server should always offer drinks and appetizers to start the meal, but never register disappointment or disapproval if the offer is refused.
3. The food server should take the order in a timely (but not hurried) manner, always starting with the ladies at the table first.
4. Food should be brought to the table hot from the kitchen.
5. Any problems with the customer's food should be taken care of as quickly as possible.
6. The food server should unobtrusively check with the customers throughout the meal to make sure they have everything they need.
7. Plates should be cleared in a timely manner, but only after everyone has finished their entrée.
8. Coffee and dessert should always be offered.
9. The bill should be dropped at the table, but not taken by the food server until the customer indicates it is appropriate.
10. The food server should never make a customer feel rushed to leave after they have paid the check.

Now that is what the customer should expect...but there are a few things that should be said from the food server's point of view. Listed below are a few thoughts a customer might want to keep in mind while dining out.

1. Food servers are people doing a job. They are not there to entertain you, or become your best buddy, or your slave. They are there to help make sure you get your meal in as pleasant and professional a way as possible.
2. If you have special dietary needs, just let the server know what they may be. They don't need to know the entire history of why your delicate system can't handle spicy food, or what gastric nightmare will ensue if you indulge in whole milk instead of 2%. Simply tell them you don't want your food spicy and they will work it out with the kitchen.
3. Have patience. Nine out of ten food servers want to do a good job for you. Look around you. If the restaurant is busy, keep that in mind before you complain about your server not refilling your water glass as quickly as you may have wished.
4. Don't snap your fingers to get your server's attention. In some restaurants this is a sure way of becoming an invisible customer who will need a flare gun to get their server to notice them.
5. Do not hold the food server responsible for the décor of the restaurant, the prices on the menu, or the fact that the kitchen can't supply you with something that isn't or never has been on the menu.

Finally, please remember to tip your food server. The standard today is 20% of the total tab. The way you tip tells as much about you the customer as it does about the food server, and unless the server has actually ignored you throughout the meal, insulted your mother or taken a member of your party hostage at gunpoint, they have probably done their job in a cool, competent manner. A food server should always be treated with respect. Remember: they are the last person to handle your food before it is brought to your table.

-- Richard Brewer